Caught With Her Hands In the Cookie Jar
by OldSpice2625
Summary: Written for the Olympian Challenge Contest. Artemis just can't get this nagging obsession and addiction for Percy to go away and must visit him in his sleep from time to time. Hilarity ensues. crack!fic Apollo/Thalia/Sally join in, Percy/Artemis


I was mulling over some ideas earlier and I wanted to do a contribution for Felicity Dream's Olympian Challenge Prompt. This is a Percy/Artemis story, it's a crack!fic so expect it to be ooc because of Artemis's nature and character. It won't be horribly OOC but obviously artemis would never date anyone, much less percy. This is intended to be humorous and silly and fun so I hope you enjoy it. This was an interesting opportunity that was presented and I took it, a break from Percabeth if you please, so sit back, relax, and enjoy.

Disclaimer: I don't own PJATO, Rick Riordan does. No one owns Greek Mythology though ;).

"This is dialogue"

_This is thought_

Without further adieu…

_I've got to stop this… it's so wrong… it's so dirty. But Father be my witness if this isn't the most right thing that I've ever engaged in._

A nimble, lithe figure hastily maneuvered through the winding jungle of steel and concrete that was Manhattan. With a grace that would put master ballet dancers at shame, a petite auburn-haired goddess sailed through the air leaping from rooftop to rooftop hell-bent on completing her mission.

To engage in a little night-time voyeurism to satiate an oh-so-desperately-needed Percy Jackson fix.

Just a little midnight snack to get her through the rest of the night…that's all, nothing wrong about that, right?

There was just one problem. Artemis had sworn mental, emotional, and most importantly, physical chastity for all eternity. Damn, Karma could be such a bitch sometimes… not to mention that maniacal Aphrodite. This was her doing, it just had to be. No other logical explanation could explain her unbelievable craving to gaze upon and fantasize about that drop-dead gorgeous son of the Sea God.

Him with his gravity defying raven locks, his alluring marine irises, his body resembling all of those bronzed, mortal-made statues of the male gods. And that smile, oh Olympus that smile! How it made her knees become like jelly and buckle uncontrollably.

_Damnit, there I go again with these perverse thoughts of mine! How dare that little sea-spawn do this to me! I'm a goddess of the Olympian council! In my fingertips I hold the power to disintegrate mortal bodies and the skill and accuracy to pin a fly to a tree trunk from twenty leagues away! _She proclaimed to no one in particular.

But this little addiction of hers was just too good to give up that easily. It ignited an inferno within her like no other. Not even Orion compared to this god on earth. And for that, she would risk it all just to see him again and again and again. Couple that with the thrill of the chase, the thrill of the hunt and you've got one potent recipe for disaster.

_Just a bit further now, I just have to leap over these municipal office buildings and past that elementary school and I'll be home free. _The goddess calculated.

Oh how she wished she could tell someone about this sick mental fantasy she had, then perhaps she could be rid of this horrible devious curse that had infested her so! But who would she tell? Perhaps of her Olympian relatives would be willing to be of aid? Please… her reputation would be burned to cinders within the hour. Maybe a mortal psychologist would be able to offer her advice on this addiction? No, they just wouldn't understand an Olympian goddess's troubles, besides, she'd run the risk of incinerating the poor doctor if she lost herself in her emotions as gods and goddesses are known to do from time to time. Now there's an idea. Perhaps she could vent her woes in the presence of her loyal companions? No! Simply out of the question! Absolutely not! That would possibly be the most idiotic route to pursue. What kind of train wreck would that be like?

_Oh by the way, my dear huntresses, I, the role model you all have looked up to for centuries for guidance... The one who adamantly supports total and complete chastity from men, romance, and sexuality… has developed the annoying case of having these incredible hormone-inducing, back-arching, toe-curling fantasies including a certain son of Poseidon that leave me so drenched, the Niagara Falls is put to shame… Just thought I'd let you all know. Care to help out?_

Good Gods, how utterly devastating to them would that be? Not to mention the unbearable amount of shame, humiliation, and embarrassment such an announcement would produce. Also, she'd be breaking an ancient oath she made on her father's head eons ago, yep, that would be pretty bad as well.

No, she would simply have to continue on this road to Hades just like she has been for the last two months.

That's right, sixty days of analyzing, stalking, and indulging in his every movement, word, and action. It had started out small at first, watching him walk to and from school everyday. She then proceeded to gaze upon him as he would work out on the balcony of his apartment from the safe onyx veil of the shadows of night. _Thanks nyx, I owe you one! _The Huntress Matron thought as she remembered negotiating a most helpful deal to aid in her wicked voyeuristic trysts… unrequited as they were.

Then she got bolder, she needed more and more of course! This addiction wasn't going to let her off the hook that easily! Oh no! It just had to goad her on to more daring moves, like the time she morphed into a blue jay and perched upon a conveniently located fire escape to play peeping-tom as Percy showered each night.

Artemis found a sly, amused grin creeping onto her lips as she bounded over the Lower East Side. Hey, she might be turning into a shameless pervert, but at least she could have fun with it, right?

Oh gods! She was becoming her brother!

_Now I REALLY can't mention this to anyone._ The huntress concluded.

Even still, this sick and twisted plague had pressed the goddess to her limits, pushing her to new heights and testing her skills of stealth, grace, and espionage. A testament to this was when she actually found herself in the son of Poseidon's room laying on his bed with him soon losing herself in a brief daydream.

She imagined white sheets between them, silver moonlight bathing them in a light radiance of divinity with the windows thrown open, a cool but pleasant breeze cascading over their sweat-covered bodies. Young Perseus whispering prayers to the goddess that were never meant to be heard by her, at least not in that way. He'd be so loving and tender with her, taking the utmost care not to harm the slender deity as he caressed every curve of her body, warm hands venturing to even the most sacred of places of the moon goddess. Percy would run his hand through the waves of her auburn hair and flash her that billion-dollar smile that would have her enthralled in mere moments as he pressed his lips to her own. They would stay in such a romantic embrace for a time and then, as the moon and sea part in order for the tides to return back to the ocean, so must they part as well, fate denying the Olympian Goddess her just deserts as well as her destiny.

As quickly as the reveries would come they would depart and Artemis knew herself that it was just a pipe dream to long for a hero such as Perseus; for there were two types of men, those she despised (which accounted for practically all of the male population) and those she respected (Such as her own father, Orion, and Percy himself). Of course, the men she respected enough not to turn them into jackalopes at first glance would show the goddess respect not out of a genuine desire but out of fear. Artemis knew all too well that the polite manners the son of the Sea God had shown to her on the brief occasions they met were simply a device to avoid becoming one with nature.

The mistress of the wild sighed as she pushed her thoughts aside and prepared to arrive at her destination. She would have to be as focused and purposeful in her every movement as ever. For it was only a matter of time before she would be discovered; Zeus watch over her when that time came. She'd need all the divine intervention on her behalf she could get.

_There, made it in record time_. The goddess thought. _It's only 1 a.m. in the morning, so if all goes according to plan I should have a good three hours with him, now, time to claim the spoils of this night's hunt._ Artemis let out a faint growl out of sheer annoyance. She was actually comparing such an easy objective as spying on perhaps the most oblivious half-blood of all time to say, the battle she had with the mighty she-bear she slew later judging the beast to be a worthy opponent and setting its soul into the stars later being named by the humans as Ursa-Major. Was it really this boring now that the Titans were no longer a threat? Did she really sink to the same level as Aphrodite and engage shamelessly in pestilent indulgences at will? Where was her drive and focus to remain pure and untainted? Did she break her oath each time she participated in these late night escapades involving the Son of Poseidon? Artemis certainly hoped not, for if she did break the oath she made so long ago the punishment for such a violation would be monumentally steep.

Artemis landed without a sound on the third floor fire escape, or, as she referred to it her, "stairway to Percy". She quickly undid the latch locking the window and slid over the window sill perching in the shadows concealing her so well Hades himself would be unable to detect the petite deity.

After a few minutes of confirming that Percy, his mother, and her fiancé were sound asleep, the goddess hastily procured a wooden stool from the Jackson residence's kitchen and brought it into Percy's room. She had to hand it to herself, in such a short time she had gotten this stalking business down to a science almost as if it was the most normal thing in the world to be next to someone, soaking in their every movement, and then later disappear without them ever knowing that anyone was in close proximity to them. 

Artemis watched Percy silently as he took in breaths slowly and peacefully. He was totally oblivious to the goddess who was within spitting distance of him. Artemis sat cross-legged on the stool with her chin resting lightly in her hand which was propped up by her elbow; a pleasant look of comfort adorned the Huntress's face. _Hmm, well, this is quite relaxing. I daresay that everything is going smoothly tonight; things may actually be in my favor after all _the goddess mused with a content smile gracing her lips. Artemis arched a single auburn eyebrow as the young teen mumbled something in his sleep. "Annabeth…mmm…kiss me some more…" were the words that left the Sea-Prince's mouth.

_Now isn't this an interesting development?_ _It would seem that I'm not the only one with someone rudely intruding upon my thoughts. _

The goddess's paradise quickly transformed into a fiery hell of destruction before her eyes. That sweet smile that was gracing her lips just a moment ago turned into an angry scowl. She felt her face grow red hot and she could have sworn that a single tear danced across her cheek before descending into soft carpet. The Athena girl. Of course, her fears just had to be confirmed, didn't they?

Two years ago, when Artemis was pursuing the Ophiotaurus that was threatening the safety of Olympus, there were brief moments where the goddess could speak to the young girl alone. Each time Annabeth would assure her that Percy would be hell-bent on rescuing them both. Artemis doubted this, male heroes were so unreliable. They often were distracted by promises of power or led astray by a seductress's charms never to complete their mission. Surely if the boy had intentions on leading a rescue operation he would fail miserably like all the other men she had witnessed during her adventures. Percy would be no different. But Zoë on the other hand, Zoë would come through for her. Zoë was loyal and skillful. She was focused and deadly as well as efficient. Everything a maiden girl could aspire to be, Zoë was. For the first time in her life, Artemis could honestly say that she had made a friend in her lieutenant. So many had been led astray and had betrayed the goddess at some point, it was only a matter of time. Even her own huntresses would fail her at some point although this was a rather sparse occurrence, it did indeed happen. Zoë never faltered though. No matter what happened the former Hesperid stood by the goddess's side with unwavering faith and loyalty. Zoë would be the one to rescue her along with the aid of her sisters-in-arms. Zoë did indeed live up to Artemis's expectations but it seemed like young Annabeth was right all along. He was with them. There was no way that Zoë would have allowed the Son of Poseidon to accompany her on this mission, she was sure of that. He must have used some sort of deception or trickery to influence the quest group. He must have snuck out of his precious Camp Half-Blood and forced the group to allow him to join them.

In the end, Zoë died and he lived on and yet her lieutenant did not condemn him for this or despise him. She actually praised him, calling it an honor for the fact that he carried the weapon that had ruined her life and erased all chance of normality for herself. It was in this moment that Artemis realized that there was something different about Percy. He was not like Hercules or Achilles. He was not fooled by dreams of fame and glory or delusions of grandeur. It was for this reason that she voted in favor of the boy when her brethren were calling for his destruction.

Artemis's curiosity increased tenfold when Perseus had lead her own huntresses as well as a rag-tag militia of demi-gods against Kronos's forces. He again showed just how loyal and dependable he could be. Even though Prometheus had attempted to deceive the young demi-god by making the Gods look bad, the young boy did not waver in his loyalties. Even when all hope was seemingly lost, Percy did not give up. Even after Kronos was defeated and he was being offered immortality, which he rightfully deserved, he declined respectfully. How could someone achieve so much, work so hard for the Gods, endure all of the harsh criticisms of the whole Council, and refuse such a reward? How could he fight so fiercely and yet at the same time be gentle enough not to hurt a single fly? Artemis thought on these things and soon curiosity began to best her own judgment. As a result, she began to think about the young man more and more and desire to see him with a ravenous longing. She wanted to know everything about Percy.

And so, that is how this sordid event began. Simple curiosity, that's all. It was a sheer hunger for knowledge, and the fact that Percy Jackson was so different from all other demi-gods that drove the goddess into this dangerous position. It was true, the old proverbs, beauty wasn't simply skin deep and Percy was a true testament to this. Not that he was necessarily bad looking or anything. The goddess did find Percy slightly attractive, for who could deny falling prey to those eyes of his?

However, truth be told, that Artemis would never be able to have him for herself. Because of one mistake she made so long ago to forbid herself romantic, intimate attachment she had caused a great magnitude of misery to be fall upon herself. Percy was in love with Annabeth Chase, daughter of Athena, and that love was returned by her in full force. There was nothing that she or any of the other Olympians could do that would tear them apart. Even though Artemis hated to admit it, Aphrodite was quite thorough in her work when it was something she had a passion for. Getting people to fall in love…and messing with love lives that were already in place, was definitely the Goddess of Beauty's strength. Percy would never be hers, and she, never his, and that was that. Plain and simple. But that didn't mean that she couldn't act or try, did it?

Artemis was shaken out of her reminiscing by a yawn emitted from the son of the Sea God himself, shifting in his sleep to get into a more comfortable position.

Taking a deep breath, Artemis slowly exhaled, bringing her blood pressure down to a more manageable level. After spending an hour and a half observing the young hero in pin-drop silence, Artemis began to sense a presence getting closer to the two of them. It was a divine presence to be precise.

_Damn it's probably one of the other Olympians_, the goddess thought. _As long as I don't lose it again I shouldn't attract their attention and get caught red handed. I can't let this end so soon; I've come too far to let it all end so abruptly…_ the petite deity concluded.

Of course Destiny is a cruel mistress. She was probably laughing her ass off right now at the love-struck goddess's predicament.

It was seemingly perfect after the close call just moments before. Artemis moved from being perched on her stool over to Percy's bed. She slowly and softly sat down on the edge with the utmost grace. She cocked her head to the side as if pondering something of great importance and then with one quick movement reached out with a slender arm, gently stroking Percy's messy raven locks attempting to lull him back into a deep sleep.

In an instant, all hell broke loose like when a person is upon a cliff edge teetering between safety and absolute death.

The greatest stories ever told almost always end up with a tragic ending. It's a good thing (for Hephaestus T.V. and the Olympian Tabloids at least) that this particular tale follows that exact formula.

Percy began to stir in his sleep, waking as a result of his mortal needs, perhaps to use the bathroom or to get a drink of water. Who knows, all that mattered was that the Goddess of the Hunt was going to be in some seriously deep shit in about, oh, a fifth of a second.

_Go back to sleep. Go back to sleep. Go back to sleep. _The goddess chanted in her mind albeit with little success actually occurring from it. _Father, take mercy upon me, please, just this once. I'll never pray for anything more, I swear. I'll even stop asking you to make my idiot brother Apollo mute! _

Artemis's prayers had fallen on deaf ears and in an instant the son of Poseidon turned to face her in order to get out of bed only to find his marine orbs staring into a pair of silver ones. Would Percy groggily stumble out of bed without ever noticing that another body occupied his sleeping space? Would he recognize Artemis and bow with reverence? Nope. The boring usual route for such an occasion was taken.

"Holy shi-! Mmmhmmhm!" Was all the son of the Sea God could scream out before the Moon Goddess clamped her hands around his mouth with Herculean strength, with the speed and precision to match.

"Quiet Perseus, I shall release you if you promise to remain calm and not scream out again, do we have a deal?" The goddess whispered, careful not to awaken the apartment's other occupants. Percy nodded his head slowly and Artemis indeed kept her word, the demigod breathed a sigh of relief.

Percy and Artemis stared at one another as if trying to formulate their words. After a few moments Artemis spoke up "I know you must have some questions for me. Obviously this isn't the most predictable situation you would expect to find yourself in. When you are ready, you may begin asking me your questions although I shall warn you beforehand that I may not answer all of what you ask me" The goddess said, mustering the most nonchalant, relaxed tone she could manage at the moment.

Percy wasted no time, and before Artemis could prepare what she was to say next, he began to speak "Okay, well, here's a question. What the heck are you doing in my room… and… in my bed?" the son of Poseidon asked with a bit of confusion mixed with genuine curiosity in his voice.

_How typical. Mortals...They should at least try to challenge me from time to time_ Artemis thought with a hint of disappointment. She took in a deep breath and answered him.

"You see Percy, after you destroyed Kronos it was deduced by the gods that the Titan Lord would eventually reform. Since you were the one to deal the death blow to Luke, thus ending Kronos's life as well, it was decided that if the Titan Lord was to ever launch another assault against Olympus again it would be through you." The goddess answered.

Seeing that Percy was waiting for her to finish her explanation, Artemis continued.

"Coming to this conclusion, Lord Zeus has commanded me to keep watch over you. It was thought that Hades would be the first choice to observe your day to day activities since he has dominion over the shadows. However the gods are still wary about trusting the Lord of the Underworld so easily. Thus I was tasked with this mission instead"

_Blame Father for encroaching on someone's life like every other deity, how original of me… Oh well, I've already begun to walk this path, I may as well see where it leads _Artemis decided. _Hmm, come to think of it, it was Hera that chased my mother around in a blind rage while she was pregnant with my brother and I simply because of her unruly jealously…Perhaps I should accuse her more often? _The goddess wondered.

Percy digested this for a few moments then nodded his head signaling that he had taken the bait.

_Good, good. Perfect, he bought it. Now all I have to do is tell him that I've found nothing out of the ordinary and make some excuse to leave before he…_

Artemis's thoughts were interrupted as Percy began to address her.

"Well, that's all fine and good… I guess, but you didn't answer my other question. Why exactly are you in bed with me? And why are you appearing to be a different age than you usually are? If I might ask, that is" Percy inquired.

Artemis used all of her willpower to keep from turning Percy into a squirrel for saying such comments to her. She closed her eyes and nodded simply as if such a question was completely valid and expected.

"That's simple, really. You see, I merely prefer to look as I am at the moment. Although I had already mentioned to you that I prefer to appear the same age as my Huntresses, I also told you that I have the ability to change my form at will. As for your other question, I am not 'in bed' with you, I am sitting down on the edge of the bed" explained Artemis matter-of-factly, gaining another nod of approval from Percy.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I must return to Olympus to deliver my latest report. While I do apologize for waking you, the safety of the Gods ranks higher in importance to me" Artemis added, with a bored look gracing her face.

As she turned to leave through the window, Artemis noticed the sun's rays dancing slowly across the horizon signaling to approach of dawn… and one hell of a problem in the form of a sandy-haired, radiant-smiling teenager. In other words, her pain-in-the-ass brother, Apollo would be upon her in mere moments.

_Not good… not good at all. If Apollo shows up before I have a chance to escape there's no telling what kind of chaos will ensue. Other than the fact that he's a complete moron who can't keep his mouth shut, he has absolutely no clue when it comes to simply going along with anything, or improv for that matter. That and he might spout one of his haikus, dear merciful Zeus take pity upon us all and spare us from THAT Tartarus. Oh well, I guess this night's meeting is going to have to come to an…_

The goddess's thoughts were interrupted as a female voice called out Percy's name.

"Percy dear, it's time to get ready for school; if you don't hurry you might be late again!" Sally Jackson called from the kitchen. The sound of footsteps could be heard drawing nearer causing both occupants' eyes to widen in shock.

In a state of panic, Percy forget just who was in his room as he began to push the petite goddess towards the fire escape, looking frantically over his shoulder as he did to make sure his mother wasn't about to walk in on the duo.

"You gotta get outta here! If my mom walks in on us like this there's no way I'd be able to explain this…" The teen was interrupted by a light slap across the face "Ow! What the hell? Oh, heh, yeah, sorry about that, Lady Artemis. I sorta lost my mind there for a second" Percy managed, as he offered a sheepish grin to the Olympian goddess in hopes that she wouldn't incinerate him for putting his hands on her.

Artemis crossed her arms across her chest while huffing indignantly and throwing her head to the side in annoyance. "Just this once shall I excuse such an affront to my honor" Artemis replied simply.

Just then, the door to Percy's bedroom open revealing Sally Jackson in a pink bathrobe, hair curlers, and fuzzy lavender slippers "Percy did you hear me? I said you better get ready soon or you'll be late to school again and I think Paul's sterling recommendation for you won't keep you out of trouble forever," Mrs. Jackson suggested with a warm smile.

Percy's mother turned to face Artemis and addressed the goddess "Oh Annabeth, it's good to see you awake as well dear, how has your tutoring been going with Percy?" she asked, like it was a totally normal situation to have an Olympian deity in your son's bedroom.

Artemis smiled at Sally and placing her hands in front of her answered "He's getting better with his math and reading, although since he is a seaweed brain and all, it's taking more effort than usual" the goddess added a light giggle and a playful tap to Percy's shoulder to top her explanation off.

Percy altered staring at his mother and Artemis with a look of utter confusion adorning his features. Deciding to simply go along with the goddess he added, "Okay mom, I'll finish getting ready and then me an Annabeth will be off,"

"Alright honey, I packed a lunch for the both of you. I also left some money for bus fare in case anything happens." Sally commented, leaving the demigod and goddess alone.

"You're something else, that was just too good" Percy complimented, genuinely impressed by the goddess's quick thinking.

"Eh, it was nothing really; I just manipulated the mist. Although, I had to put a little more 'umph' than usual since your mother is a clear sighted mortal. Thank you though," Artemis replied, shrugging her shoulders lightly. "Now if you don't mind, we'd better get a move on if we're to avoid any of my nosy relatives intruding," Artemis stated matter-of-factly.

A sly grin made it across Percy's lips "Which would be totally different than what you're doing of course, right?" he soon paled as Artemis shot him a frigid death-glare. Frantically waving his hands in surrender he quickly amended his statement "I mean, uh, we wouldn't want that to happen, that's for sure!" the young demigod managed as he looked at the goddess with a bit of fear mixed with caution.

"Watch yourself, boy" was all Artemis had to say to Percy as they turned to leave the teen's room towards the front door. The two were stopped when a familiar light-hearted voice greeted them.

"Heya, sis! What're you doing here, huh?" asked a certain Sun God, causing Artemis to stiffen up in shock. Taking a moment to regain her composure, she turned to face her brother, Apollo.

"Brother, how… convenient for you to stumble upon us like this" Artemis replied, her arms still crossing her chest, that same look of annoyance plastering her face. "Don't you have 'sun duties' to attend to right about now?" the goddess asked, eager to change the subject.

The Sun God offered one of his "million drachma smiles", "Oh that, well, ya' see, as soon as I sensed another god down here on earth, I sorta put the sun on auto pilot so I could check things out, ya' know?" Apollo replied.

Artemis arched an auburn eyebrow at her brother, "You know, you should not do that, your negligence might cause the sun to collide with the earth" a faint grin started to creep across the goddess's lips, that is, until Apollo held up his hand in a 'stop everything' gesture. Artemis pinched the bridge of her nose, preparing for the inevitable haiku that was soon to pollute her ears.

_Sunlight warms the earth,_

_I find my baby sister._

_My haikus are great._

_Why oh why do you punish me so, fates? Is it really necessary to torture me so endlessly like this? _

The goddess let out an annoyed sigh, her right eye twitching in the aftermath of hearing yet another dreadful haiku.

Percy scratched his head a few times before gathering the right words to describe such a… eloquent poetic expression, yes, that's what that was…

"Er… Well done Apollo, I guess, but I really need to get to school now so if you guys don't mind." He announced, walking out into the kitchen. The two Olympians stood still as they watched him vanish from sight and then, hearing the front door open and close, the two gods faced each other.

"Okay, brother, you can drop the act. What are your true intentions by coming here?" Artemis asked.

Apollo grinned one of his "I know something that could get you in trouble" grins, received by a death glare from his sister. The Sun God took a moment to look around Percy's room before turning back to his sister in order to offer an answer as Artemis's foot began to tap impatiently. "Well sis, you see, I've been informed by a little birdie that you've been here more than once."

Apollo paused with interest to see his sister's eyes slightly widen, still retaining her steely resolve, he continued

"I told ya' I see all and know all. It's only a matter of time before I figure out why you've been, ah, indulging in these late night visits to Percy's place. So the way I see it there's two options."

Artemis rolled her eyes.

"Option one, you come clean right here and now and your secret is safe with me, I can guarantee that. Or if you prefer, we can go with option two, which is where I go back to Olympus and make up some crazy story where you've decided to have these wild uncensored late night affairs with young mister Jackson and stir up this cah-ray-zee fire storm of rumors and gossip which I think would particularly interest a certain love goddess quite a bit, I'm sure. My haiku's might not be top notch, but being the god of poetry gives me a talent with words and so you might want to take option one for good measure, at least, it's what I'd do in your position" Apollo concluded, flashing one of his radiant smiles while wagging his eyebrows at his sister.

He got the usual response Artemis would give to such blasphemy which is to say simply… he got punched in the face a few times. Okay, maybe twenty-two isn't a few, but we digress.

After cracking her knuckles, Artemis stared down at her brother, who was nursing his jaw with a rather pained expression on his face, and leaned in close to deliver her answer.

"None of your business, Apollo, now if you'll excuse me, I have other matters to attend to" the goddess stated with a tone of finality laced in her voice.

Apollo stood back up, "hmph, well, it seems you've taken a liking to little Percy, don't worry, I won't tell anyone, I think it's kind of cute actually." He had to admit, he was definitely testing stormy waters with that comment.

Artemis ignored her brother and started to dematerialize when he added "You know, you're not alone in this, some of the other minor goddesses as well as some of the girls on the council are acting kinda weird like you are. I think some of the might actually be interested in the little dude, Demeter and Athena especially, if you can believe that! I think even Hermes is taking a bit of an interest in Percy though I think it's more of a 'friends' thing… or he really could be batting for that team, if you know what I mean," Apollo emphasized this with a wink in his sister's direction.

"No need to interfere, Apollo, I have everything under control, as a matter of fact." Artemis replied with her hands on her hips.

Apollo grinned, "Oh, so you _do_ admit there's a problem then?"

"Ugh, look, would you just drop it already!" Artemis through her hands up in exasperation, Apollo knew he was succeeding however his sister had dematerialized before he got a chance to pursue his victory any further. All he knew now was that his sister was being unsettled by a certain son of Poseidon and he wasn't just about to let his baby sister suffer without any help from him, no sir! He was going to get to the bottom of this little mystery if it was the last thing he did. Come to think of it… he might as well drop by camp half-blood to visit his kids, heck; he was just a hop-skip away from it by god standards.

000

Artemis rematerialized at the campsite her hunters were using at the moment, deciding against accompanying Percy any further. She knew if she was too persistent in her indulgences she would alert the attention of more Olympians. Quite frankly, Apollo having figured out about her late night visits was more than enough, thank you very much!

The goddess strolled casually, yet, professionally into the center of the camp where her huntresses greeted her with formal bows and respectful greetings to which she responded with a nod or two before searching for her lieutenant, Thalia. After one of her huntresses told her that Thalia was attending to one of the younger initiates that had gotten a minor leg injury, Artemis made her way to the medical tent in order gain some helpful consul from her faithful second in command.

"Now Lena, remember next time to keep your eyes constantly scanning the terrain ahead of you, you never know when there's going to be a tree root sticking up like the one that snagged your foot." Artemis heard, as she approached a medium-sized tent with a caduceus on it.

Artemis allowed a faint amused smile to form on her lips. She had to admit, she did have good taste when it came to picking out great leadership material. Thalia had turned out to be an exceptional candidate as far as huntresses went. She had proven her skills with not only ranged weapons but close combat techniques as well. There was also something innately about the young girl that made her a born leader, perhaps it was because she carried part of their father's blood within her; or perhaps her experience on the street had given her keen intuition. The most important trait, Artemis thought, was that her young lieutenant had an impeccable common sense when it came to nearly everything, she could relate to people in troubled times, especially young half-bloods like herself, and that one ability was able to bolster the hunter's ranks from a mere fifteen to nearly thirty-five in a meager year. It was also for this reason that Artemis knew that if anyone was going to break the goddess's "Percy Jackson Addiction" it would be Thalia.

Artemis poked her head in the tent in order to address the young daughter of Zeus "Thalia, I have returned from my personal expedition, I would like a word with you when you are finished here, if I could," the goddess requested.

Thalia looked over her shoulder to meet Artemis's eyes and offered a light nod, "Of course Lady Artemis, this will only take a few moments."

The goddess waited inside her own tent for a few minutes when, true to her word, Thalia showed up, offered a small bow, and then sat cross-legged, facing the now twelve-year old deity.

Artemis brushed her hand lightly against the deer that pulled her chariot through the skies, as it rested contently in her lap. After a few moments, she began, "Thalia, I have chosen you to be my second in command, to tend to your sisters when I am not able to be present."

"Yes, my lady," Thalia replied.

"It is a position that carries with it both great privilege and responsibility. Having trust in your sisters, as well as them having trust in you is essential, do you agree?" Artemis asked.

"Of course, my lady" the young demi-god answered.

Artemis looked up at the ceiling of the tent, "I trust you as well." Thalia blushed. "It is difficult to find individuals who can be so loyally devoted after tragedies wars like this recent one bring, and for that, I am glad you decided to join us." The goddess directed her silver gaze back to her lieutenant.

Thalia fidgeted with her fingers for a brief moment before gathering her words together, "You do my too much honor, Lady Artemis," she managed.

"You are deserving of it. However, that is not the only reason of why I have called you here. I have been struggling with a most annoying problem recently, and was wondering if you could help me with it."

Thalia rubbed her chin in thought for a few moments, "Well, I don't believe that I have the jurisdiction to act against Lord Apollo, my lady."

A single chuckle escaped the goddess's lips as she shook her head "No, no, it's not he that my problem originates with, although my brother has been getting on my nerves lately. My problem lies with another demigod, one that you are quite familiar with."

Thalia quirked up an eyebrow before crossing her arms over her chest, "Let me guess, it wouldn't be Percy Jackson by any chance, would it?" a sly grin began to materialize on her face.

"How did you guess, if I may?" Artemis asked.

Thalia shrugged her shoulders, "Seaweed brain's always in somebody's hair, whether it's a mortal, demigod, or even one of the gods. He's got this uncanny trait for causing mischief for everyone."

Artemis starred off to the side, "Yes, yes he certainly does, doesn't he?" the goddess agreed.

"Why don't you start from the beginning and tell me everything" Thalia suggested.

Artemis nodded, "Very well, it all started two months ago…"

After about an hour or so of Artemis detailing every single little moment that had occurred between herself and Percy, her tale was finally concluded. Thalia starred at the goddess wide eyed with her mouth a tad agape at the absolutely unbelievable account that had just been told to her. Taking a few moments to digest the information and collect herself, Thalia thought up a solution.

"You know, my lady, when I said 'tell me everything', I was implying that you leave out some of the more…eh… risqué parts of your story," Thalia offered, shivering a bit from the images that had been scarred into her brain.

Artemis simply tilted her head, "My apologies then, Thalia. Regardless, what do you think I should do about this?" The goddess questioned.

A sly grin crept across Thalia's lips. She knew exactly what her goddess needed to get over this little addiction of hers "Lady Artemis, I believe I know just what you need to get over Percy. In fact, it's the same thing I did when I first joined in order to reinforce my utter hatred and disgust of the male population. Have you ever heard of a television station called 'Lifetime Movie Network'? It's quite popular among American women these days," Thalia suggested.

Artemis had a thoughtful expression on her face as she rubbed her chin in thought, "No, I don't believe I've ever heard of such a thing. Although I do spend more time down here on earth amongst the mortal population, I find it trivial to take interest in their social pop-culture" the goddess answered.

For the next two weeks the Goddess of the Hunt was exposed to all of the cinematic displays of women being beaten, oppressed, and cheated on by those evil, vile creatures we all like to refer to as men. Artemis slipped only once in her rehab, which although she would have liked to thought that this was harmless, a certain Sun God had captured the moment on video from a secluded storm cloud. However, after being chastised by her lieutenant (well, as chastising as Thalia could be towards her superior, that is), Artemis attacked her venomous addiction with renewed vigor, watching documentaries about the Women's Voting Rights struggle as well as T.V. shows depicting men in bars making rude jokes about their female counterparts in the workplace. After watching and remembering all of the horrible atrocities men committed throughout the ages, Artemis made a full recovery, thanks to Thalia's help.

Everything seemed to be right back where it should be in the universe, and all was at peace once more. That is, until Apollo got a bit too cocky for his own good and programmed Hephaestus T.V. to show his baby sister's incriminating video footage over and over again for an entire day.

Needless to say, Artemis, being the cool, calm, collected goddess she was handled the situation perfectly…

"APOLLO! I SWEAR I'M GOING TO SKIN YOU ALIVE FOR THIS! GET BACK HERE NOW!" Artemis bellowed, after a blood curdling scream ripped through the atmosphere of Olympus.

It's a good thing that the sun has an autopilot feature, otherwise, the earth would have frozen over from a week of inattentiveness of the Sun God due to his loving sibling chasing after him, shooting razor sharp arrows and throwing deadly hunting knives at him as he screamed like a five year old girl would, begging and pleading for his life as he dodged.

Yep, just your regular day here in the mythical world of the Gods and Goddesses of the Olympian council.

FIN!

The end! Hope you enjoyed it, and I hope this encourages more of you to write for FelicityDream's contest. I know some of you are thinking "Gee, why is Thalia watching LMN? She just watched it for a little while to get herself in the mood to hate boys for eternity, it's not a hobby or an on going habit for her.

I hope everything was to your liking. Please take this chance to leave a review to tell me how much you loved this epic win, or how much you hated this epic fail ;).

I hope to get something done for this contest again soon (lol a month or so for me!) and I'd like to thank my wonderful beta's that helped me out: Felicity Dream, Zoë Nightshade, and Ezylrybbit! Without them this crappy fic would be even worse!

Until next time, my lil' kiddies!


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